valentine's day

it's valentine's day a week from today
and already
i'm preparing myself for the torment of that day.

that excruciating day
S.A.D.

where lovers flaunt themselves,
and those like me are left to mourn the life i have not yet lead in some small space..

why can't you love me the way that i love you?

collect the scraps of paper that i throw..
talk to the people that i talk to..
eat the lunch that i eat..
schedule your schedule around mine..
play the sports that i play..
buy the same coffee that i buy..
sing the songs from the soundtracks of the movies that i like to watch..
wallpaper your room with my favorite color..

things like that.
simple things..
things that show that you DO love me..

even if you don't know who i am.

i'd rather sleep

today

you held my hand
you told me how much you loved me
you listened attentively to me explain the ingredients written on the side of the Skyflakes cracker
you smiled when i looked at you
you came over after class
you told me how you'd always be there
you made my day by saying hi
you hugged me

today, you did all these things..

and then i woke up.

walk past

you walked right passed me today..

i could smell the Palmolive Anti-Dandruff shampoo wafting off your head..

everything about you is adorable..
the way you swing your arms when you walk..
the way you walk..
the way you bob your head as you listen to your ipod..
the way your ipod is attached to your head..
the way you always buy the same regular sized strawberry shake..
the way you hold your shake as you pay the sales lady behind the counter in the caf..
the way you go and buy a jamaican pattie after you finish one third of your shake..
the way you walk across the quad, oblivious...

i wish i could just DIE
knowing that you'll never know how much i LOVE you..

i sit here, at the back of class
writing little notes to you..

notes that i won't ever be able to give
because to you,
i don't even EXIST.

sometimes
i wish i could be one of those girls
who sit at your table during lunch
gabbing away at how impossible it is to find
a decent, below 20 calorie lunch
that could be publicly eaten..

just so i could sit next to you and breath your air..

sometimes
i want to knock of a few hundred points off my IQ
just so i could "fit in" to your crowd..

sometimes
i wish i could just run away with you
and relive all those romantic love stories
about Happily Ever After..

sometimes
i want to stop myself
from falling
deeper
and
deeper
in LOVE with you..

but i can't.

anniversary!

this day marks the 365th day that i have been collecting the remains of the chewed up masses that come out of your mouth exactly 30 minutes and 17 seconds after you put them in as chewing gum.

i've decided that, to honor this glorious occasion, i will now officially start Our Blog together..

to all those out there reading this, who want to know every detail of the life i share with
the man i love,
the man of my dreams,
stay tuned for more..

much much more. ;]